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On occasion, Jay Spring feels he is “unmatched in his abilities”. Living with narcissistic personality disorder, his grandiose moments often turn “detached from reality”, he explains. You’re riding high and you tell yourself, ‘Everyone’s going to know that I’m better than them … I’ll do great things for the world’.”

For Spring, these times of heightened ego are usually followed by a “sudden low”, where he feels overwhelmed and ashamed about his behavior, rendering him particularly vulnerable to disapproval from external sources. He first suspected he might have NPD after looking up his traits on the internet – and eventually evaluated by a clinician. But, he questions he would have taken the label if he hadn’t independently formed that realization on his own. When someone suggests to somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – most notably if they feel beliefs of dominance. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they’ve constructed. And in that mindset, I am superior and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Understanding NPD

Although people have been called narcissists for over 100 years, it’s not always clear what people refer to as the term. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” states an expert in narcissism, who believes the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he believes many people keep it private, due to widespread prejudice associated with the disorder. A narcissist will tend to have “a heightened sense of self”, “a lack of empathy”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to seek admiration through actions such as seeking admiration,” the professor says. Those with NPD may be “extremely narcissistic”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he emphasizes.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in Narcissism

Although up to 75% of people found to have the condition are men, studies suggests this statistic does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that narcissism in women is typically appears in the covert form, which is less commonly diagnosed. Male narcissism tends to be a bit more accepted, similar to everything in society,” notes a 23-year-old who shares content on her dual diagnosis on online channels. Frequently, the two disorders appear together.

Personal Struggles

It’s hard for me with receiving negative comments and being turned down,” she says, “because if I hear that the issue lies with me, I either go into self-protection or I become unresponsive.” Although experiencing this reaction – which is known as “self-esteem damage”, she has been working to manage it and accept input from her close relationships, as she doesn’t want to slip into the damaging patterns of her past. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners in my youth,” she states. With professional help, she has been able to manage her condition better, and she says she and her significant other “operate with an understanding where I told him, ‘When I speak manipulatively, when I use toxic language, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up mostly in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of healthy examples during development. It’s been a process of understanding over the years which behaviors are acceptable versus unacceptable to say in conflicts because I lacked that guidance as a kid,” she comments. “Nothing was off-limits when my relatives were criticizing me in my early years.”

Origins of The Condition

Personality disorders tend to be connected with difficulties as a child. “There is a genetic component,” says a mental health specialist. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “linked to that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to manage during childhood”, he continues, when they may have been ignored, or only shown love that was based on meeting certain expectations. They then “persist in applying those familiar tactics as adults”.

Like several of the those diagnosed, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The individual explains when he was a child, “everything was all about them and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their they engaged with him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve academic success and professional advancement, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “good enough”.

As he grew older, none of his relationships ever worked out. I didn’t truly value about anyone really,” he states. As a result, relationships weren’t relationships seriously.” He didn’t think experiencing genuine affection, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is also dealing with a personality disorder, so, like him, struggles with emotional regulation. She is “highly empathetic of the internal struggles in my head”, he notes – it was actually she who initially thought he might have NPD.

Pursuing Treatment

Following an appointment to his general practitioner, an assessment was arranged to a mental health professional for an diagnosis and was informed of his condition. He has been referred for psychological counseling through national services (ongoing counseling is the only treatment that has been proven effective NPD patients, specialists note), but has been on the treatment delay for an extended period: The estimate was it is expected around in a few months.”

John has only told a few individuals about his condition, because “negative perceptions are widespread that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, personally, he has accepted it. This understanding allows me to comprehend my actions, which is always a good thing,” he explains. All of the people have accepted their narcissism and are looking for support for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the diagnosis. But the growth of individuals sharing their stories and the rise of digital groups suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number